(一)
Praise
The below edit and critique earned this comment from the customer:
Thank you so much for your help with my personal statement. I was really pleased with the result and your prompt re o e. I am very ha y with your service and will recommend your service to my friends. I also plan on using your service again in the future with more medical school e ays.
Unedited Version:
Dr. XXX . . . For the past seven years of my life, my decision to become a doctor has been a devoted one. From the first day that I entered Mrs. Vande urg's tenth grade Anatomy and Physiology cla , my career ambitio were narrowed to one as I completely committed myself to becoming a physician. During that semester of cla I poured through every page of my textbook, fascinated and challenged by all that I learned. Night after night I stayed up memorizing the names of bones and muscles, systems and proce es in early preparation for my career in medicine. Hungry for more information about the medical profe ion, I began reading literally doze of books and journal articles written about the lives of physicia and the medical fields in which they served. As I finished High School and entered college, and now Graduate School, every cla that I have taken, every decision I have made has been centered around one goal; to become a physician whole-heartedly committed to improving the physical and emotional lives of his patients.
Although my initial desires to become a physician arked from my amazement and fascination with science and the human body, my commitment to become a family physician stems from my family background and my overwhelming desire to help others. Growing up in a family with eight brothers and sisters, it seemed that someone always needed help either physically or emotionally. As a "big" brother to so many, I have been taught that helping others in need is more than a decisio it is a moral re o ibility. This reality has led me to serve in many roles throughout my life; from Senior cla president and a member of student council, to a continued dedication to volunteering in the community and at local ho itals throughout my life. Each week, de ite my rigorous schedule of Graduate school, I have been able to help others by volunteering to cook and teach cla es at the Wood County Center for Aging. The smiles from those I help and the wisdom that I gain, talking over lunch or playing pool with men from the Center continue to make the time continually reinforce my commitment to invest in the lives of others.
One of the first questio that I ask when I want to find out what motivates someone is whether they think primarily with their "heart" or with their "mind." In a single question, I can discover whether a person is pulled by his emotio or whether they're lives are structured by cognitive decisio . Although, my life has been structured by calculated decision making, my overwhelming desire to di lay empathy and compa ion for those around me defines who I am. I believe that in order to be a "complete" physician, one must be strongly motivated by both his mind and his heart. To me, the definition of a truly succe ful doctor is measured by his ability to meet both the physical and emotional needs of his patients. I know this to be true because although devoted life-long study and calculated decision making are what ultimately may save a patient’s life, it is focused attention and sincere compa ion that can continue to make that patients life worth living.
Today, I continue in my unwavering journey toward becoming a physician by attending Graduate School at XXX University.
Here at Graduate School, I am more fascinated and determined than ever by the challenging cla es I am taking, the cutting edge research I am participating in, and the rewarding teaching experience I am gaining. I believe that through the experiences I have gained above and beyond my undergraduate degree, I am more prepared than ever to meet the rigorous challenges of Medical School. In the year that I have attended Graduate school evidence of my complete devotion to my goal is evident in everything that I have done. The A in every cla I have taken, the research I contributed to, currently in the proce of publication with the Journal of Endocrinology, and the highest po ible rating as a Biology lab teacher are all evidence of my steadfast resolution to become a physician. What is more, I believe that the laboratory techniques and analytical skills required by my research in hyperte ion, as well as the public eaking skills I have acquired through teaching will ultimately make me into a more rounded physician.
In the words of Washington Irving, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than u ucce ful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes."
In a world driven by fierce economic and social competition, u elfish devotion and genuine compa ion are becoming a rarity; I believe that the experiences of my life have taught me these character traits. With a firm commitment to the lives of others, my unwavering desire in life is to use my experiences and talents as a physician, that I might help bring physical and emotional healing to those in need.
"I will prepare, and some day my chance will come. " - Lincoln
