写作原文
The drawing indicates a long banner with the word “volunteer” and a website about volunteering on it ,and lots of people is(改为are，主语为people，谓语动词用复数)portarying(拼写错误，改为portraying) the outline of their hands to show sportive(改为support，此处应表示的是人们对志愿者服务的支持，且show为动词，后面应接名词作宾语，而sportive为adj.，表示“运动的”).Simple as it is,the picture reveals an exciting phenomenon that more and more people are willing to be volunteers.As the society developments(改为develops，此处应该使用动词形式), our material comforts are considerably enhanced, thus, we are capable of the time and energy to help others. At the same time,with(去掉，若使用with，句子则无主语) the moral climate is getting better, which is under everybody’s efforts,(加and，两个句子之间应该用连词连接)the members of these volunteering organizations are mostly never asking for any rewards either on fame or money,so that the organizations can survive easily. It is hopeful that we will enjoy a more harmony(改为harmonious，more后面应该跟形容词，且后面的society为名词，应该用形容词修饰) society in the future,if the things developes like this.Therefore,when we are eager to show our kindness,it is really necessary to keep our mind clear. For one thing, one should never give up once he begins to be a volunteer.For another,volunteer work is also a (去掉a，responsibility为抽象名词，不能用不定冠词修饰，)responsiblity(拼写错误，改为responsibility) (建议改为volunteer work also needs responsibility), just as our normal work,so do try our best.
总体点评
文章构思不错，但结尾较为仓促，说服力不强。文中还是存在一些基本的语法问题，作者后面应该加强;其次，注意词性的正确使用;再者，建议作者在文章句子上下功夫，尽量摆脱汉语思维模式，多记多模仿一些高分佳句，并将其熟练运用于自己的文章中，使自己的作文水平不断提升。期待着你的成功，加油!
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