Growing up in a modest village in China, I hardly ever had the chance to see many examples of modern technology; people who dig wells by hand to obtain drinking wateruse ox-driven plows to cultivate their fields don’t have much use for televisiopersonal computers. But when my father gave me an old radio to play with, I wanted nothing more than to take apart the contraptionsee what i ide made such interesting sounds. Sitting on the floor with a confused grin, surrounded by wiresmetal, I looked up at my fatheraskedthe noises were…(有删节)
合理地阐述了申请者学习电子工程的动机，学习动机是评审委员非常看中的。同时，读了这段文字，会使读者沉浸在对童年往事的美好回忆里，借此打动评审委员的心。
另外一篇修改过的文章开头用诗一般的语言写道(有删节)：
……I first read this paragraphMadame Curie as a 14-year-old child,I still remember how wonderful I felt. I remember thinking, “What esteemed men they were! How hard they worked!” As I grew older, this paragraph became a source of encouragement in the face of adversity. I begin to feel a magical blue light twinkling in my heart, kindling a love of science,encouraging me to charge bravely into the unknown world.
结尾呼应了开头，阐述了作者为什么要去美国读书：
I never forgot my adolescent idol, Maria Curie. As I re-read the book, another pa age leaped out: “She was now 24-an age when some of her great contemporaries were to be on the brink of major discoveries… Maria took the trainWarsaw to Paris, the intellectual Mecca.”
