（1） 原句：In the school, Miss Li always been an inspiring source of help and support for me and others throughout the years.
编辑分析： “always been” Incorrect tense or missing word. “throughout the years” Flows better at the beginning of the sentence. “me and others” Reads awkwardly.
改正后：Throughout the years, Miss Li has always provided an invaluable source of assistance and support to many, including myself.
（2）原句： Miss Li is not only a mechanical teacher but also in charge of computer lab.
编辑分析： “is not only” Limit the use of the weak ‘to be’ verbs. “mechanical teacher” Can this more specific? “in charge of” Directs.
改正后：Miss Li not only teaches mechanics, but also directs the computer lab.
（3）原句：Although her work is numerous, she tackled every task, no matter how trivial or monotonous, with great patience and meticulous care. But, with her creative mind, she was never content with merely doing her job, either.
编辑分析：“is numerous” Awkward. “But, with her…” Awkward transition. ‘But’ does not work well at the beginning of the sentence here.
改正后：In spite of an immense workload, she tackled every task, no matter how trivial or monotonous, with great patience and meticulous care. Moreover, driven by her creative mind, she never settled with merely completion of her job.
（4）原句：Once the problems came in, she thought them from unique angles and put forward many good ideas to solve them.
编辑分析：“put forward” Better word…presented…suggested…
改正后：Once aware of the problems, she attacked them from unique angles and presented many practical and novel solutions.
（5）原句：Facing the conflict between the shorthand of the school and TOEFL, she chose to instruct her students to finish the courses of Mechanical CAD.
编辑分析：“Facing the conflict…” This sentence is somewhat unclear, especially upon the first reading. I have attempted to clarify the situation.
改正后：Facing a conflict between the need to take on extra responsibilities to alleviate a shortage of teachers at the school and preparing for the TOEFL, she chose to instruct students in courses of Mechanical CAD.
（6）原句： It is evident that burden of work effected her preparation for TOEFL, because she got GRE 2100 under less pressure from work.
编辑分析： “It is evident” I have rephrased for clarity and improved flow. “effected” affected.
改正后：That burden of increased work negatively affected her preparation for TOEFL, as demonstrated by her significantly better score on the GRE when she faced less pressure from work.
（7）原句：When she decided to leave us, although I, as director of this school, hate to let her go, I would like to renew my support for her today, as she sets her eyes on still grander horizons.
编辑分析： “I, as director…” I is unnecessary and confuses the sentence.
改正后：When she decided to leave us, though as director of this school I hate to see her go, I offered my full support. I would like to renew my support for her today, as she sets her eyes on still grander horizons.
（8）原句：I dearly hope that you will consider his application favorably.
编辑分析： “dearly hope” sincerely. “consider his application” her application. You have referred to the recommended teacher as ‘she’ and ‘miss’ throughout.
改正后：I sincerely hope that you will consider her application favorably and am confident you will be enlightened by her talents at your school.
总体评论：
千疮百孔的英文，语法错误、用词不当、句子结构不恰当，都可以分散阅读者的注意力，给阅读者造成误解，无法看懂你究竟要说什么。要知道评审委员要阅读上百份申请材料，你的错误可能使他（她）丧失对你的兴趣和信心。
在申请文书写作中应当注意：
使用正确的英语写作
要坚持使用明确、直接和具体的表达方式
删除不必要的词汇和语句
坚持使用主动语态
避免柔和、无色彩、犹豫和不果断的语言。
语法错误经过反复的阅读是可以更正的，但是用词不当和句子结构不恰当的毛病改正起来则比较困难，对于英语不是母语的人士来说，需要长期艰苦的磨练。在以后的篇章里，将继续分析片语使用、选词、句子结构和篇章开头结尾方面的错误。
02月24日《留学申请文书写作常见错误及分析》的延伸阅读，我们精心准备了推荐信撰写技巧供您参考。推荐信必须由具公信力的人撰写才有信服力。评估申请人是否具备未来发展必要的学术或专业资格。
推荐人必须诚实、真正了解申请人的学经历，且推荐信内容一切需以「事实」为依据。
推荐信内容应当与申请人所缴交其他信息中对于自己的描述「不相抵触」，而且要「相互呼应」。
避免过度笼统和陈腔滥调。
好的推荐信应当由具备相当知名度、且与申请人熟识的人撰写。申请人职场上的长官、同事、或学校里的老师是最佳人选。相处时间够久，写的推荐信才有价值。
推荐人的学术领域或技术背景最好是与申请人申请科系相同。另外亦可委托与学校当局或学校评审委员关系密切的人撰写。
好的推荐信应当可以解答学校评审委员在审查申请书时会发现的一些问题。
推荐信的重点应该放在学校评审委员最认为最重要的消息。如果你申请的科系以专业知识或实用性为主，主管或公司同侪会是比老师更好的推荐人人选。相反的，如果你申请念 Ph.D. 或以学术为主的科系，教授对于您学术资格的评估则较具可信力。
推荐人评估申请人的基准应当在推荐信中详细写出。（例如，推荐人过去五年内任教的大学中，申请人在所有教过学生当中确切的排名；或是申请人的业绩占公司前一年总营业额的百分比。
如果您还有什么不明白的，可以访问我们的留学申请文书写作频道.再次感谢你阅读本文，希望能帮助到你。
